The connection between dating and self-esteem is not discussed enough. Have you ever wondered why a friend of yours continues to stay in an unhealthy relationship? Or have you seen couples constantly fight yet, for whatever reason, they stay together accepting unhappiness? Or have you ever sat at home obsessing about a guy rejecting you then when he ghosts, you feel inferior for whatever reason?
Yea. Those are all tied to dating and self-esteem in some manner.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve logged into Facebook communities for women in the dating world and seen messages like:
“I just got ghosted AGAIN and feel worthless.”
“I don’t understand why I keep getting rejection, after rejection. It feels like there’s no point in trying.”
Or the ones asking for advice,
“He hasn’t texted me for two days since our date, is this a red flag?”
“He said he really likes me but then ghosted. Should I try reaching out?”
If it’s not immediately looking inward and feeling pain, it’s obsessing over the person and every little thing.
Let me tell you, this is not the way to live.
I can no longer imagine a world where dating someone impacts how I feel about myself. I am too busy with my own life to worry about someone else’s actions and the whys or why nots behind them. I wish more people were able to experience this feeling, and maybe that’s why I chose to write this post.
Let’s understand the psychology behind this better.
How low self-esteem impacts dating
One example provided by Heidi Riggio, PhD, a social psychologist and assistant professor of psychology, is, “[If you have low self-esteem] You may be afraid that your partner will leave you, or you panic over other things that others wouldn’t think twice about. This can lead to panic attacks or extreme jealousy.”
Now I don’t know about you, but that sounds exhausting.
Curious of other ways which low self-esteem impact dating, I did some research. Here are some examples of how low self-esteem can impact ones dating life:
- Attracts the wrong people
- One is less likely set healthy boundaries & the relationship may turn toxic
- Self-worth & confidence may fluctuate with the health of the relationship
- One may turn away loving, kind people due to thoughts of unworthiness
- Prospective partner behavior may cause paranoia or spiraling thoughts
How high self-esteem impacts dating
On the flip side, here’s how high self-esteem can impact ones dating life:
- Reject the wrong people
- Set healthy boundaries
- Self-worth and confidence is less likely fluctuate with the health of the relationship
- Acceptance of loving, kind people
- How a prospective partner behaves does not influence ones confidence or lifestyle
That sounds a lot nicer, right?
Self-Esteem Boosts Requires Inner Work
To get from a place of low self-esteem to high (or simply higher self-esteem) requires work on the inside. It’s not a flip of the switch. It’s a process. Below are a few quick ways you can work on self-esteem:
- Practice affirmations – “I am beautiful” “I am grateful” “I am powerful” etc
- Practice self-talk: interject negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts
- Be kind to yourself
- Focus on your strengths
- Avoid comparing yourself
- Practice saying “no” to others
So. The next time you, get down about a guy, remind yourself how awesome you are and that you don’t need someone to determine your self-worth or esteem. You determine that.
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